Week 4: Doctrine of Eternal Marriage

As a child, I was terrified of wolves. I used to dream that they were chasing me, biting me, or chowing down on my loved ones. I'm not sure where this fear came from, but seeing as I repeatedly watched The Never Ending Story, I have my suspicions about Gmork - the fearsome creature that dwelt in a darkened cave. This foundationless fear stayed with me, even as an adult, until some combination of Twilight and Shiver cured me of my aversion to wolves. But still, I find that one wolf continues to torment me. Bruce C. Hafen of the Seventy described this wolf as "excessive individualism that has spawned today’s contractual attitudes." Until I got married and had children, I had no idea what a truly self-absorbed person I was. Having been raised as an only child (though 'raised' is perhaps a strong word for parents who were in and out of the picture), there was nothing for me to be but selfish. I didn't have to share my toys or make sure I got first dibs on dinner. Whatever parental attention my parents did bestow was given exclusively to me. Sibling rivalry was a completely alien concept to me until my second child was born. Suddenly, "me time" was one of the most precious things I had. With this background, family life has been extremely difficult for me. You might have guessed that I'm an introvert, which makes my flight instinct that much stronger in noisy, chaotic, or overcrowded situations. It doesn't help that the world tells me I should 'look out for number one', 'make sure to get yours', and 'put yourself first'. There is some basis for these theories; after all, if I'm not whole myself how can I take care of my family? It's the airplane scenario of first-attach-your-own-mask-and-then-help-others. But the world takes this so much further. As Elder Hafen says, "The adversary has long cultivated this overemphasis on personal autonomy, and now he feverishly exploits it . . . He exaggerates the need for having space, getting out, and being left alone." This is a struggle I deal with almost daily. But it helps to know that Satan is exploiting my personality and history, and that I can defeat him in the end. Once again, I am grateful for the pure doctrine we are taught in The Family: A Proclamation to the World: "The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave . . . Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ."

Week 3 - Threats to Marriage

I am not a person who generally follows politics, or even watches the news for that matter. If something big happens in the world, I am likely to know about it only if someone posts about it on Facebook, if it comes up on the Yahoo home page, or if my husband comes home and says "Well, there's been another terrorist attack." I know my lack of attention to world events is pathetic, but I only have so much room in my head. So, when I read the assignment for this week (all 98 pages of it) I was baffled. I had no idea that four of the nine members of the Supreme Court dissented from the majority ruling to legalize same-sex marriage nationwide. I couldn't help hearing lines from the Book of Mormon in my head, about wicked versus righteous judges: "And now behold, I say unto you, that the foundation of the destruction of this people is beginning to be laid by the unrighteousness of your lawyers and your judges" (Alma 10:27). On a lighter note, I kept thinking about Star Wars III - Revenge of the Sith as well, when Palpatine takes emergency powers to start his war, effectively tramping out any vestiges of democracy. However, I was thrilled with the four judges who dissented, who had the courage to raise their voices in favor of democracy, traditional marriage, and religious liberty. My favorite quote was from Chief Justice Roberts: "Today’s decision, for example, creates serious questions about religious liberty . . . Hard questions arise when people of faith exercise religion in ways that may be seen to conflict with the new right to same-sex marriage—when, for example, a religious college provides married student housing only to opposite-sex married couples, or a religious adoption agency declines to place children with same-sex married couples . . . Unfortunately, people of faith can take no comfort in the treatment they receive from the majority today." (Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S. (2015). Supreme Court of the United States) What the Supreme Court's majority ruling did for this country was not granting liberty to a minority. It was taking liberties from the rest of us. Bakeries who refuse to make wedding cakes for a same-sex weddings are fined. Therapists are now, by law, unable to give counseling to those who struggle with unwanted same-sex attraction. Think about what that means for a second! The government is telling individuals that they are not allowed to address something they see as an issue. One could say that they are not only encouraging but forcing people to be gay. One school district in Washington introduces same-sex lifestyles to their Kindergarten students as part of the curriculum. And that same school district, in fourth grade, has students "choose" which sexual orientation they are. Fourth grade - long before any child has any sort of sexual tendency unless it has been introduced to them. If I opt my children out of their family life unit because same-sex lifestyles are being taught as normal and completely acceptable, then I am a religious fanatic, or worse, a "bigot". There is no question in my mind that religious liberty will continue to be restricted by our government. A line is being drawn, and we must decide which side of the question we are on. How grateful I am to have The Family Proclamation! How blessed we are as a church to have a quorum of prophets, seers, and revelators up in the tower, watching the horizon for danger.

WEEK 2 - MARRIAGE TRENDS AND DIVORCE

For one of my classes we had to create a marriage blog. Since I already have a family blog, which I haven't posted to in over five years, I decided to just use it. The topic we are blogging about this week is divorce. I found this week's reading about divorce, and the effects it has on children and society as a whole, very interesting. While all the statistics rang true for me, I couldn't help thinking about how different those stats look from the inside. My parents married young when they found out they were pregnant with me. The marriage didn't last long, being something right out of 'The Dysfunctional Home Show' (any In Living Color fans out there??). After the divorce, my mother remarried an alcoholic abuser. They were married for nine years, and as such, Mom's second husband raised me from age 3-12. He was the only father I really knew, having had virtually no contact with my biological father until the courts forced me to. My stepfather, who I called 'Dad', drank and smoked. Pornography was more like bathroom reading in my house - Friday night movie rentals were the ones you had to ask the counter attendant for. Drunken rages often ended in physical abuse and calls to the police. Obviously, my home life was anything but healthy or stable. And still, when my mom and dad sat me down to inform me of their divorce, it felt as though the trailer we lived in had been nudged off its foundation. My entire world shifted. If I had to compare this sensation to anything, I would say it resembles thinking you are on an island. When the island suddenly begins to pitch to and fro, take on water, and eventually sink, you realize you have been on a boat all along. It is beyond terrifying, and causes you to question everything you thought you knew. And yet, there is no contesting the fact that some marriage relationships, with their contagious, toxic environments, are far more damaging to children than divorce. Reading all of these statistics makes me think that marriage prep classes should be required for a marriage license - just like blood tests. Think of the classes, practice hours, and certification test that are required for a driver's license. People going into marriage should be told before hand that it's not always a picnic. That loving a person doesn't mean you will always like them. That the commitment they are making needs to be valued above physical attraction, fun, or any other reason they are so crazy about each other. They need to know that there will be hard times, that everyone has them, and that successful marriage are not 50/50; they are 100/100.

The Prodigal Blogger

I realize I haven't posted in, like, a year. But now that I'm not working and I'm over the Facebook addiction of old. The kids are back to school on Monday (can I get a hurrah!?) I figure I might have a little more time. Plus reading old posts really makes me want to start posting again. If for no other reason than I love getting the blog made into a book and looking back on the chaos of life. So, we'll just pretend the last year of blogging draught never happened, and start fresh.

I should mention that I have no intention of keeping up with any of YOUR blogs, so if you expect me to read yours because you're reading mine, well......I still love you as a person.

We just got back home from Lake Powell. I must say, it is much more enjoyable when your oldest is almost 10 and your youngest is 4 1/2. Almost RELAXING, even.

Daddy and Spencer driving the boat:



Me and the boy. No tubby tummy jokes, please.





Kenna lost one of her top front teeth biting into an ice cream sandwhich when we first got to the lake. We all spent the rest of the trip teasing her that we were going to make her eat another one so her other loose tooth would come out!





Spencer had a freak-out every time the boat hit waves from other boats.


Emma and Grandpa:


Kenna and Grandma:


Kissin' Cousins (well, if Emma had her way, they would be). It was interesting to see them flirt with each other all during the trip, and then get embarassed when they realized we were all watching.



Emma wake surfing with Uncle Matt:



Nine happy meals complete with different smurf figurines and one really crappy experience at Denny's later, and we're happy to be home!

Funny Things My Kids Said in 2007-2008

Rather than have this as a sidebar, I'm just going to post it.

Kenna as I was putting Spencer's nighttime diaper on: "He needs Cruisers - they're comfort flex."
Spencer when I tried to put some slightly soiled underwear back on him: "No, mom......dere skiddies in dem!"
4/28 (Kenna after preschool): "Mom.....I had a hard day today, because we had to draw our Z's."
Spencer every day "I wanna watch PU-PU PANDA."
Spencer every time I touch him: "Ow...you hut me. I need band-aid."
The other day when I was heating up some bacon (Kenna): "Mom, I smell something....hamish."
1/30 (Kenna): Emma, I love your pretty hair....it's strawberry flavored."
1/26 (Emma when we found her white baptism dress at Costco): "Mom,.....I am SO excited to get bath-tized."
(Emma to Kenna the other day when she said 'poop' during dinner): "Kenna, that's UNAPROPRIATE."
1/17 (Emma when I drank out of her cup): "Hey, that's my cup.....well, it's okay - it's Saturday."
1/13 Emma on the way home from school ): "I'm tired of this busy day."
1/13 (Kenna on the stairs): "Mom, me and Emma are going to clean our room ABOUT being AKSED."
1/13 (Spencer about baby Kallen): "I wanna hode it!"
12/14 (Spencer in Sacrament Meeting): "I'ont wanu lissen!"
12/13 (Spencer in the car): "I'anu pay ina snow."
11/24 (Kenna after Spencer spit his food onto her plate): "That is DEFINITELY GROSS."
11/22 (Kenna): "Mom, I feel like I don't belong here.....I feel like I belong in California......"
11/13 (Kenna while I was watching the CMA's): "Is this COWBOY music, or what?......I don't like cowboy music."
11/7 (Emma while eating the blueberry crumb muffins I made this morning): "Mom, you make the bestest muffins in the land."
10/27 (Kenna): "Mom, can I have some gum?" (Spencer): "I'ant gum!"
10/29 (Kenna when daddy wouldn't take her into the store with him): "That just breaks my heart."
10/11 (Kenna at IHOP with Sarah & Emma on her birthday): "This ice cream is just scrumdelicious".
10/11 (Emma on her birthday with Sarah in the bookstore): But it's my birthday, I don't have to be good."
10/8 (After Kenna selflessly gave her stuffed Elmo to Spencer): "He can slobber all over it - it's his now."
9/29 (Emma arguing about taking a nap): "Mom, we'll just go downstairs and play to give you a piece of quiet."
(The other day after school) Emma: "Mom, I miss being in the family."
9/3 (Kenna while stamping her foot & refusing to go with me) "I like daddy BETTER!"
8/27 (Spencer out the window as Emma is leaving for school): "Emma.....I-uh-you!"
8/26 (Kenna to Spencer): "Don't slober on my pony!!"

Say Yes to the Dress

Okay, the girls and I have a new summer obsession. Sitting in front of the tv for hours watching reruns of 'Say Yes to the Dress'. Now we are all caught up so we only watch the new ones, but for a few days there it was nonstop. The girls have pretty much designed their own dresses in their heads now. Jeannie came to pick Emma up for Activity Days on one of our TLC telethon days, and apparently she got an earful...."Can you BELIEVE this girl spent $25,000 on a dress she is only going to wear one time? I mean, that is just ridiculous! You only wear it for a few hours. My mom says my 'budget' is about $500......"

Inevitably, this is what it led to:





Yes, this was my wedding dress, and incidentally, I am proud to say I still fit into it. Let's ignore the fact that I swam in it on my wedding day, and when I put it on now I look like I have several kids' floatie tubes on underneath it. Oh well.

Crazy Cabbage Patch Kids

As an interesting bit of trivia, the cabbage patch Spencer has used to be Sean's when he was a kid, and the outfit 'Buddy' is wearing is what Spencer wore home from the hospital.