And I was right. I can't think of it without feeling an inner aching today. I never thought I would long to be back on my mission - and don't get me wrong - I would not want to go tracting or golden questioning again, ever. But I do miss the area, the people, the experience - being in the service of something greater than myself, but at the same time not being directly responsible for the people around me the way I am now with my family. There was a greater margin for error then.
My point is, if I can honestly miss my mission to the point of a pang all these years later (10 next month), then how much more will I miss this precious time with my little ones. The ones I AM responsible for? I know in my heart that this time is passing quickly, and I can see and touch the moments every day that will bring these same pangs later, though I'm sure with much more force. After all, my mission was a measley 18 months of my life. I am trying to see the joy in my life and particularly with my kids. Here are a couple of ways I am doing this:
1. Reading to my girls every day (almost). Right now we are on The Mouse and the Motorcycle.
2. Making sure I play with Spencer every day (usually tickling).
3. Trying to pay Mackenna my undivided attention as she will be going to kindergarten next year.
4. Trying to suppress the sad feelings that well up inside when I realize my kids are growing up - by seeing the things I love about their development.
If there is one lesson I have learned in life, it is that we waste today by pining for yesterday or tomorrow. I'm just glad I found this pearl before it was too late. (I may just have to embroider that on a pillow....what am I talking about, I don't embroider - "Life is the synchronicity of chance......"). Name that movie, anyone?
Here is a little something I think I'll miss about each of my kids:
1. Emma - the way she looks to me in everything and lives to make me happy (hopefully she will always want to please her parents, but who knows?)
2. Kenna - her hugs and kisses at random times throughout the day, and her round little cheeks. I already miss those - they have slimmed down a lot from her baby days.
3. Spencer - being little enough for me to squish and swing around and tickle and make him giggle. Something tells me I may also miss him screaming 'mama....mama...mama' at 6:30 every morning, but I don't know.
One more thing, and I'll be done. This is the view of the D.C. temple from the Beltway (an atrocious and potentially hazardous freeway where people drive like maniacs). You come up over the hill and the temple just pops up there. It is gorgeous.
Cloe, Mandee, Laura - if you want to comment and tell me something you miss about the mission (besides me, of course, ha ha) I would love it. I sure miss all of you.
12 comments:
lol..of course YOU are on the top of my "Miss List" for sure! What an experience we all were able to have! I am so thankful I took the opportunity to serve a fulltime mission. I miss being able to focus on one thing and I very much miss the strength of the spirit I was able to feel on a daily basis. Seems so hard to find sometimes as a busy, crazed "single Mom". I miss the courage and confidence I had as I stopped ppl on the street and asked them if they believed in God. I miss being a part of "the change of heart", watching our brothers and sisters take the steps to Christ...so many memories I will never forget.
It is an AMAZING temple. I love how on the beltway overpass right by the temple someone spraypainted SURRENDER DOROTHY! It really does look like OZ how it just pops up out of the trees.
Its true, our babies are growing. Our hands might be full right now, but so are our hearts.
I don't have a mission to be nostalgic about (darn it), but I am grateful for your little reminder to love my kids and cherish my time with them. You are a great example to me.
o crap! I'm actually crying. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about serving in the Washington D.C. North mission. I was far from perfect out there but I came home without regrets. I hope I feel the same way when I return home to my Heavenly Father. We try our best with our limited knowledge and ability and Hope in Christ to make up for the rest. I miss that temple, living so close to it (walking distance) for a huge part of my mission, getting to serve at the visitors center even though I wasn't officially called to served in the V.C. And sitting in the chairs near the huge windows, scriptures in my lap, staring at the temple trying to memorize every detail so that I would never forget it. When I was there I thought a mission was the hardest thing I'd ever done. Now it seems like a piece of cake compared to having kids and 18 months of reflux and one year of my fighting cancer with a newborn to take care of. And now I really know what it means to not get enough sleep. I miss the trees. I miss the people (sort of). I miss Jerome and Arlene. I miss the Potomac South Ward even though it was a hard area to serve in. I can't wait to serve again and hopefully with my eternal companion. I can hardly wait. Honestly and truly, I'd want to go again and I don't want to wait 20 more years and I don't want to go without Tyler. Thank you for sharing this.
That was a great post. I need to be reminded of things like that EVERYDAY! Its so easy to get caught up in the moment and complain, but someday not too far from now these magical moments will be just a memory. Someday my kids wont be the ones waking me up, I will be pulling them grudgingly out of bed. Then someday after that they'll be on their own and I know I will wish for these days back. I need to take time and enjoy the journey! THANKS~
I knew you'd find your way to the fix :) I admire what you are doing with your kids. I still think they are sooo lucky to have you for a mom! How can our boys be almost 2? It is nutty how fast it is going. -d
That was my temple as a young woman. It is beautiful.
I always get frustrated when older people tell me, "don't wish this time away because it will be gone before you know it". The reason for this is because they always seem to tell me when my kids are throwing their biggest fits. However, I know what they are telling me is true and I will miss it. Time goes by so fast and I know we are going to miss this "young" time with our kids. I love your goals for you and your kids. I think it is really important to take a little time with each of them and make sure they know how much we love them! Thanks for reminding me of this!
I never hear you talk about your mission! I feel about the same way, there are people and places I miss, but I was so physically exhausted that I don't wanna do that again! How bout we go visit???
Seriously though, you love those monkeys and keep doing your best. I am so proud of you as a mommy. I am pleased that you are as sweet with them as you are...and practical at the same time (just imagine that I hate the coddlers! makes my job HELL!). Love you pooky!
That was a really sweet post. I really enjoyed the pictures of the temple. Your post made me think a lot about my own kids and want to try to be a better mom. I appreciate you sharing. Our blog is private now. If you send me your email I can invite you. carsonfamilie@gmail.com
I think we need a trip to visit your mission & Justin's. We could could go to DC & Connecticut and make it a fun trip!
I love what you said about serving for the greater good. And I know this is selfish to say but I loved knowing everyday that I was doing something that was good and right...without questions. It was black and white. You were either doing it the right way or you weren't. If you were the feeling was amazing, if you weren't you knew it and you could change it. Now things sometimes feel so ...gray! I miss the people, miss the joy you feel when you witness someone's faith grow, I miss the senior couples...man they were great! but like you I don't miss the tracting, I don't miss the golden questioning, I don't miss bikes and helmets and companions who hate your guts. But like you I miss being out there all the time. Thank you for reminding me of the "Glory Days"!
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